Tuesday, November 01, 2005

PFSP-Day 12-Telephone transfer lows

Today started off ok, with the usual shaping, review, and speeches. I’m not sure if I mentioned them yesterday, but I think we will be starting the day like that for the rest of the program. Then we talked about how important the maintenance phase is, and how we’ll be doing it for a full year following the course.

But then over break, I’m not sure what happened, but my mood took a downswing and I stopped using my targets optimally. Then after break, we started the phone transfers, and I couldn’t get a grip on my targets at all. Usually I can turn them on just by walking through the clinic doors.

My first handful of, transfer, telephone calls were unsupportive. Because I wasn’t spoon fed as I was yesterday; I wasn’t unsure who to call and what to ask. My first few calls went unanswered, then I got somebody who answered after their answering machine started, then they didn’t understand the question even though my speech was clear. It actually sounded like they just rolled out of bed, and weren’t fully functional just yet. They asked “what?” 3 times, and finally answered me.

What the other person does, or doesn’t do is largely insignificant in this practice, since I can only control my own actions. Also, when a call goes bad, I shouldn’t be dwelling on it, not only because it’s counter productive, but because my thoughts should be consumed by my targets. The problem was, I just couldn’t concentrate on my targets.

I told Lori I needed a pep talk. I did need one, but didn’t expect one … actually I didn’t even really want one. Lori doesn’t exactly hold your hand, it’s not her style, and wouldn’t really benefit me anyways. She’s pretty good at knowing when providing support makes you stronger, and when it will make you weaker … then acts accordingly.

By 12:00, I just wanted to leave, but I managed to pull off a few acceptable calls.

After the course I went for lunch and successfully used my targets half way through the order. Then I noticed I was speaking without air when I ordered a coffee. Just recognizing this is a huge accomplishment.

After going to the office and getting a couple hours of work in, I was again able to successfully use my targets. One of my clients even commented on how much I’ve improved. I asked if my voice sounded odd, and he told me it didn’t. Normally, I’d be skeptical, but he’s a long time friend and client who has been frankly honest with me before. So I knew it was genuine.

While at the office, I attempted to use my targets in a phone call to one of my clients web hosting companies; it didn’t go well. But on my way home, I grabbed a bite for dinner, and successfully used my targets again.

Admittedly, I’m not using my targets all the time, but am having a bit of success.

Not meant as advice, please find a qualified therapist if you are interested in similar therapy.


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